I haven’t seen him in three years.
And everything still feels the same. We can still bullshit like we used to, and tease each other. It’s like nothing has changed.
A huge part of me is just relieved to know that he is still alive. And not in jail…which he was for over a year. It sounds like he’s trying though. That’s all I want him to do. He’s such a smart kid, I just want him to see that.
Obviously in three years we both went through some shit. The last time I saw him he said he was doing several drugs at once. He almost died a few times. It breaks my heart, but he’s seven months “sober”…meaning he sticks to weed and liquor.
I wonder if he remembers what we did that night….because I sure fucking remember and it killed me that I didn’t hear from him
But he found me again. I didn’t find him, he found me. why does that make me so happy? Why does it make me happy that he is single? I know nothing will ever happen with him. Ever.
I literally dropped everything I was doing to see him last night. Worth it. Just like old times we drove around and talked about life. We parked the car and lit up. It was such a good night that ended too quickly for me.
It’s crazy to me that I saw him again since I was thinking about him earlier in the day. It’s been three years and I still think about him.
It’s been three years and I realized all the butterflies never left. My stomach is in knots because I know that there is a very high chance that I won’t see him again.
But damn does that kid make me happy. Even though we were never more than just friends in high school he was my first love. i know that. No one has ever made me feel the way he did…the way he does. Maybe it’s pathetic that after three years i’m still willing to do anything for him. I never wanted to give up on him, but he pushed a lot of people out when he got deep into drugs.
It’s been three years since he’s kissed me. I remember tasting the liquor and cigarettes on his lips. Was he too fucked up to remember me?
There’s gotta be a reason he keeps coming back into my life right? That’s gotta mean something in my universe. I just hope it’s not meant to break my heart again, but seeing him for just a few hours was worth everything I might feel later.
I missed him so much.
I told him he’s always have a place in my heart and he said there was a space in his dedicated to me. Does he know what that does to me? When I read it, I have the biggest grin on my face because I’m glad that our friendship meant something. The other part of me is just mad. So angry that if I meant that much why wasn’t I worth seeing after high school, or after that night three years ago? I never fucking left. I’ve been right here. He choose to walk away and I just got done chasing him.
Maybe last night was the universe giving me what I needed to know…he’s alive. He has a job, a roof over his head, he is still going to school. I just want him to be okay.
He lives ten minutes away from me. Just ten. And now every time I pass that liquor store I’ll think of him because that’s where I met up with him. There’s just so many things that remind me of him. Fuck
I”m 22 and he still confuses the hell out of me. I just want him to stay this time.
I can’t hold my breath though. I know he won’t. He never does.
It’s been three years and I still can’t get this guy out of my mind.